|
Symptom
|
Fault
|
Action
|
|
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
|
Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
|
Retire to rest room, practice in mirror.
|
|
Don't remember words to the song.
|
None. Beer is just right.
|
Play air guitar.
|
|
Your singing sounds distorted.
|
The beer is too weak.
|
Have more beer until your voice improves.
|
|
Don't recognize anyone. Don't recognize the room you're in.
|
You've wandered into the wrong party.
|
See if they have free beer.
|
|
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
|
You have been in a fight.
|
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
|
|
Beer is crystal clear.
|
It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
|
Punch him.
|
|
Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
|
You are dancing on the table.
|
Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
|
|
Floor is blurred.
|
You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
|
Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
|
|
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
|
You have fallen over backwards.
|
Have yourself chained to the bar.
|
|
Mouth full of cigarette butts.
|
You have fallen forward.
|
See above.
|
|
Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
|
Glass empty.
|
Get someone to buy you another beer.
|
|
Feet warm and wet.
|
Improper bladder control.
|
Stand next to nearest dog; complain about house training.
|
|
Feet cold and wet.
|
Glass being held at incorrect angle.
|
Turn glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
|
